


Ride The Wild Wind

by wackyjacqs



Series: Bizarre Holidays [237]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s02e02 In the Line of Duty, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26071762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wackyjacqs/pseuds/wackyjacqs
Summary: “It’s strange,” Sam admitted, “having my mind and body to myself again.” She shifted slightly and Jack watched as the captain’s defences started to fall one layer at a time; her façade cracking as she took one deep breath after another.
Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill
Series: Bizarre Holidays [237]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1234973
Comments: 36
Kudos: 92





	Ride The Wild Wind

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, I want to flag up a trigger warning for this chapter. There’s nothing explicit, but the conversation between Sam and Jack does touch _very_ briefly on the issue of consent and assault. Also, I've gone through the transcripts for this episode and Jolinar is referred to repeatedly as 'he', so that's what I've gone with here.
> 
> Written for ‘Ride The Wind Day’ (23 August); a day created to celebrate the anniversary of the first man-powered flight. According to notes, some ideas for celebrating the day include “kite flying, windsurfing, hang gliding, making and sailing boats, watching birds soar through the sky or simply a picnic on a windy day, watching the wind in the trees.” I’ve gone for the last one.
> 
> Post-episode tag for ‘In The Line Of Duty’.

A team night was just what the doctor had ordered. Well, not exactly the doctor; and not a team night, _per se._ It was more like Colonel O’Neill’s idea – and it did seem like a good idea. Until it wasn’t.

He wasn’t stupid or naïve; he knew this was one mission the team wouldn’t be able to recover from quickly or just push aside and forget ever happened, as much as he liked the sound of the latter; and there was no disputing the fact that Captain Carter had suffered the most as a result of Jolinar and the Ashrak, but the team had also been forced to stand by and left unable to help Sam while the snake held her to ransom.

Jack shivered at the memories of finding his teammate lying unconscious in the holding cell and how, in that moment, he’d experienced various emotions that surprised him. It had now been a week since the whole incident and the captain was still quiet, only talking to them when she absolutely had to, and mainly only to Cassandra. So, when Doctor Fraiser had suggested it might be good for Sam to leave Cheyenne Mountain for the night and leave the place where she’d been held hostage, Jack had jumped on the opportunity. He wanted to help his friend and also because he bore his own guilt towards the captain’s current situation and blamed himself that the SGC, a place that was once safe to Sam, was now unfamiliar and threatening.

When he thought about it though, he hadn’t really given her a choice in the matter. He had suggested a team night to Daniel and Teal’c first so that Sam would therefore be less likely to say no. Therefore, when the guys had quickly agreed to the plan – and since Sam hadn’t actually been cleared to drive or to be on her own – it just seemed easier for Jack to invite the whole team to crash at his house for the night as they ate pizza and drank beer.

Things had been going fine, or so he’d thought, until they were about forty-five minutes into a movie when Sam quietly excused herself from the room – but that had been over twenty minutes ago.

With a sigh, Jack told the other half of his team to help themselves to the popcorn and chips while he went to check on Carter. He made his way through the house but there was no sign of her and then he noticed the door at the far end of the hall was ajar and he frowned. He distinctly remembered closing his bedroom door earlier. Slowly, he made his way towards it and pushed it open wider.

“Carter?”

There was no answer and he was about to leave when he also noticed the window was open. A moment of panic ignited inside him at the thought of the captain having escaped but instinct told him that wasn’t exactly Sam’s style, so he took a deep breath and slid through the open space and onto the platform outside. It didn’t take long for him to climb the ladder and find his second-in-command sitting on his rooftop observatory, staring blankly at the night sky. He remained standing at the edge of the platform but she didn’t acknowledge his presence; he cleared his throat softly, so as not to startle her.

“Carter?” When there was no response, he said a little louder, _“Captain.”_ Sam jumped to her feet and turned to face him. “Sorry,” he muttered, “I didn’t –”

“It’s fine,” she interrupted. “I didn’t know you were there, sir. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he said, then hesitated, “It’s just… you’ve been gone a while.”

“I have?”

She frowned and Jack felt a flicker of concern that Sam didn’t realize how long she had been away, but he shook it aside. He didn’t need to add to her guilt on top of everything else she was already feeling.

“It’s alright,” he said with a small smile as he gestured to one of the folding chairs. He waited for her to sit down before he took the other chair. “You haven’t missed much; Daniel’s been too busy pointing out the errors in the movie to make sure we don’t actually enjoy it.”

He was only half-joking, but the comment elicited a tiny smile from the woman to his right and he found himself relaxing slightly. He turned his gaze towards the back yard and he watched the trees as the leaves and branches moved against the soft summer breeze. “You doing okay?”

Jack wasn’t surprised when he didn’t receive an immediate answer but when he glanced over to Sam, he caught her faint nod in the growing darkness. He let the silence stretch between them and was trying to decide what he should say next, when Sam sighed.

“I just… needed some fresh air, sir.” He turned to face her and almost missed her next words. “It was too much.”

His brow puckered as he thought back over the evening and whether one of them had accidentally said or done something to upset her, but he couldn’t think of anything, so he had no other choice but to ask, “What was too much?”

“Everything.”

“Ah.”

He nodded in feign understanding but was glad when Sam turned her head to look at him and gave a half-shrug. She looked away before she spoke again.

“Permission to speak freely, sir?”

“Sure,” he said, lowering his voice to match hers.

“It’s strange,” she admitted, “having my mind and body to myself again.” She shifted slightly and Jack watched as the captain’s defences started to fall one layer at a time; her façade cracking as she took one deep breath after another. “And even though it’s just me and my thoughts – it’s not. It’s _Jolinar’s_ too.” Her voice wavered and Jack leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs. Suddenly, Sam shook her head and huffed out a laugh void of amusement. “It’s so confusing. I can hear their thoughts, feel their feelings, see their memories–” She closed her eyes as if to rid herself of a particularly unpleasant memory and anger laced her next words. “They’re all there. Images, words, emotions… these snapshots of their life and what they’ve been through.”

“Have you told anyone about this?”

Sam immediately shook her head and Jack bit back a sigh. “Carter –”

_“I know,”_ she cut in, then more softly added, “I’m just not ready to yet.”

Jack decided not to say anything, but he didn’t need to as Sam pulled the cuffs of her sweater over her hands and pulled her legs up towards her chest.

“I don’t remember much after the attack on Nasya,” she said quietly, her attention focused on her hands, “Janet and MacKenzie think I might be repressing the memories.”

“You disagree?”

She shifted uncomfortably, then shrugged.

“I don’t know. I know _what_ happened, and I know it happened to me, but –” She stopped abruptly and Jack saw her frustration increase. “I know everything is there,” she continued slowly as she gestured vaguely to her head, “but it’s just fragments right now, and the harder I try to remember – it’s harder to grasp onto something that explains _why_ this happened to me.”

The broken whisper of her last few words reached Jack’s ears and he sighed.

“I wish I had the answers for you, Sam.”

The corner of her lip turned upward, but it didn’t last. “Daniel said something to me earlier – and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

Jack resisted the urge to say _‘Daniel, and his big mouth’_ , and instead turned his attention back to the trees in the yard and watched the branches as they swayed back and forth.

“What did he say?”

“He said he was glad that I was back – and that I was myself again; but he’s wrong.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he said as lightly as he could muster and he leaned back in his chair, “I’m pretty sure it’s you by my side right now, Captain.” When she didn’t respond, he added, “There’s no snake, no threat… just you.”

_“No,”_ Sam retorted hotly, and the conviction in her voice surprised him, “that's the problem. It's not just _me,_ anymore, Sir. Jolinar made sure of that when he took advantage of that one moment.” She then turned to face him and her eyes filled with tears as she whispered, “when he took advantage of _me._ ”

Then, he saw the moment Sam’s final barrier fell and the floodgates opened; the vulnerability and anger and confusion that swept through her body as she fully came to realize that someone had used her; and even though she had done nothing wrong and tried her best to fight, they’d overpowered her and she had been helpless.

“He stole a piece of me that he wasn’t entitled to take.”

Jack inhaled sharply at her words and guilt threatened to overwhelm him. He wanted to apologize for not asking if it was really her who called his name from behind the cell bars, and he wanted to say sorry for not being able to keep her safe, but he didn’t know if those sentiments would be appreciated. His own experiences in an Iraqi prison gave him some idea as to what his young second was going through, but it wasn’t the same and everyone dealt with trauma in different ways.

“It won’t always feel like this,” he found himself admitting quietly after a while. He felt her questioning gaze as he spoke, but he couldn’t meet her eyes.

“It won’t?”

He shook his head. “No. The demons never leave,” he mumbled, “but, with time, you learn to forget about them – at least for a while. And then, one day,” he said and he forced himself to look at her, “you realize that you’ve started living again. You learn that it wasn’t, _and will never be,_ your fault – and then you promise to never let them destroy the parts of you that are left.”

Sam exhaled shakily and he glanced away, only to feel her hand slide over his a moment later. He didn’t tense, or panic, or pull away; he simply turned his hand over and entwined his fingers with hers.

“Because trust me, Carter,” he whispered as he gave her fingers a squeeze, “you’re too important to us to let them win.”

His confession sat heavily in the air but then he felt her squeeze his fingers in return and the vice that had settled on his chest as he bared his soul started to ease. They sat in silence for a few more minutes, their hands still entwined in the space between them, when Jack reached over with his free hand and pulled her chair closer.

“For what it’s worth, you still look and sound like the Samantha Carter I know.”

“I do?”

He turned his head at her question and openly studied her. “Yeah,” he said earnestly, “you’re still my Sam.”

He felt her fingers twitch against his and he returned his attention back to the yard.

“Thank you,” she whispered a moment later.

He risked a glance at her out of the corner of his eye and was surprised, but happy, to see a small smile grace her lips.

“You’ll get through this,” he added as he ran his thumb over her hand, “I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was a really difficult and tricky chapter to write, I'm sorry.


End file.
